Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Dealing with children's doubts.
Do children have doubts? Do they have serious questions? Is dealing with the doubts of children as important as handling the questions of youth or adults?
The reason I ask is two fold. One is because a young lady said of her Sunday School experience, "we were spoon fed pretty much all of the time." I got the distinct impression she felt underestimated as a child, not dealt with seriously and even a little railroaded.
Secondly is the thought provoking description Marcus J Borg gives of his childhood doubt. In his book "Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time" Marcus writes that as a child he first accepted 'Jesus is the divine saviour in whom one is to believe for the sake of receiving eternal life,' "...without difficulty and without effort." The reason being, he says, is that childhood is a state of "precritical naivete - ... in which we take for granted whatever the significant authority figures in our lives tell us to be true is indeed true." But this state of childhood belief was not to last. He goes on,
"Some time in elementary school [between 6 - 8 years old - ed.], my first theological conundrum occurred. I remember being puzzled about how to put together two different things I had heard about God: that God was "everywhere present," and that God was, "up in heaven." ... How could this be? I wondered. My young mind resolved the puzzle in favour of God up in heaven."
All well? Not really.
... unwittingly, I had taken the fist step in removing God from the world. The solution I arrived at indicated that I had come to think of God as a supernatural being "out there." God became distant and remote, far away and removed from the world, except on special interventions, such as the ones described in the Bible.
From there Borg's questions multiplied to the point where as a young adult he confesses, "My childhood understanding of Christianity had collapsed, but nothing had replaced it. I had become a 'closet agnostic,' someone who did not know what to make of it all." Far from minor, Borg's childhood question and the resolution to which he came started a trend of doubt that profoundly affected his faith and his relationship with God.
For me, as someone who ministers to children, it also raises the question of how I handle childhood questions and doubts.
Here are a few thoughts.
1. Remember that a child can have real questions which can have a profound and lasting impact on their life. Children under your care today are battling with such questions.
2. Resist the temptation to overly spoon feed children. It is easy to push information onto children and then feel satisfied that we have taught them something meaningful. Ask yourself, am I giving room for questions? Am I encouraging exploration and dialogue?
3. Create an open climate in which questions are welcome, accepted, explored and tackled.
Never squash or shrug off a child's sincere question. If a child says, "I don't know about..." or "How come...?" or "Is God...?" take time to explore it, follow up and see if there is a way you can help resolve it. If you say you will research an answer make sure you come back with your results.
Actively invite questions. For example, create a question box and devote class time simply to issues about which children have questions. Or, as part of the story/discussion time, have a segment called, "The biggest, stickiest question time" in which you seek sincere questions. As you wrestle with questions with the children you will demonstrate how to handle questions well; how to ask questions of our questions, how to hold fire on things we don't understand, how to see faulty thinking and how to rest in God despite questions. It's a wonderful thing if young children learn early to deal constructively with doubt.
5. Share your own doubts. In this way you will teach children to live in the tension of faith and doubt without feeling the need to reject faith. This, after all, is the tension God's people need always to live in [if you don't believe me, read the psalms]. It's helpful for children to see it in action.
6. Mot importantly, pray regularly for the Holy Spirit to reveal himself to children in ways to dispel doubt and create faith. In the end it is only the Holy Spirit who can settle the troubled mind and work doubt resistant faith.
I sometimes wonder, if Borg had had such an environment and people to which he could go to help him with his questions, would the outcome have been different? I then wonder, with what doubts are our children wrestling today and what will they find in our ministry to help them.
The art of relating a story.
God loves a good story. Forty percent of the Old Testament and almost sixty percent of the New is narrative. For children, story remains a primary way of connecting since their worlds are switched on to imagination and there is nothing that grips them more than a story. Little wonder then, that much of our ministry to children revolves around 'telling the Bible story.'
Yet we need to do more than simply 'tell the story.' We need to rediscover the art of relating the story.
Relating goes beyond mere telling. Telling often mean simply conveying the facts. When we merely tell the story we increasingly find children piping up saying , "I know this one!" and then switch off because they think they've heard it all before.
Relating a story also means more than presuming we know how a story ought to apply to the child's life. While stories may have important punch lines, the same story can impact different children in a number of valid ways. We sell children short if we only seek to apply the story in the way that we think it applies and do not try to discover 'where they're at' in regard to the story and how it touches their life.
What does it mean to relate a story? The dictionary defines relate as,
relate |riˈlāt| verb [trans.]
1 give an account of (a sequence of events); narrate
2 ( be related) be connected ...
• ( relate something to) discuss something in such a way as to indicate its connections with (something else)....
• [ intrans. ] ( relate to) feel sympathy with; identify with...
Relating makes the telling personal. It's a way of sharing the story to connect with the child. Like any relating, the critical factor is two way communication. The art of relating a story is the ability to create a conduit between the child and the story for two-way interaction. As the 'story teller' our task is to facilitate that discussion and to enable and teach children to have a two way conversation with a story.
Relating a story is not just a cute technique. I believe God is ever speaking to children through his word. God also seeks a response, a dialogue, an interaction. He means for it to be personal. When we practice and teach relating as a way of hearing the story we are teaching children to hear and respond to God's Word. In the end, I believe this will be much more fruitful than merely telling, although for us 'story tellers' it may be less comfortable.
In a future blog I will share the content of a guide sheet called 'Relating the Story' that we used at our regular Sunday School leaders meeting as a short training segment (we're trying to do this each time we meet, for about half and hour.)
In the mean time ask yourself, which stories had the greatest impact on you has a child? Why? What connection did they have with you? How was that connection formed in your heart and mind? How might you better help children connect with the story? What obstacles do you face?
Coffee drinking and child Safe.
The other day I received an email that asked,
Can you tell me what’s the correct procedure with regards to people going to a host family's home for youth coffee. Do they need a working with children’s check? Should they fill in the application to serve in children’s youth ministry...?
This is a great question and touches nerves on a number of issues.
- Should 'informal' activities such as coffee and outings be covered in child safe?
- Does child safe take all the fun and spontaneity out of church life?
- "We have never done this before, and nothing has happened, why should we now?"
- Will restrictive child safe practices encourage people to go behind the back of church leadership?
- Is child safe too restrictive?
In all this there are two overriding questions that need to be answered.
1. Is this a church organised event for which the congregation and Church leadership would expect the church to ensure child safety? To put it negatively, if something went wrong would the recrimination be, "We (the church) should have been more vigilant and careful?"
If so, the second question applies,
2. "Who is responsible for the care and protection of children in this situation?"
Whoever that is, they need to be child safe accredited.
The answers to these two questions form the heart of child safety in the church. Any event, outing, or ministry related to the church that involves children (anyone <18) needs to consider and clarify these two issues.
With regard to coffee drinking: if the answer to the first question is 'yes' then the next question needs to be answered regarding child safe qualifications. If the hosts are the responsible adults, then, in the view of child safe, they should be child safe accredited. If the responsibility lies with the youth leaders then they, but not necessarily the hosts, need to be compliant (in some ways you could look at this like going to a restaurant.)
The important thing is that the responsible adults are child safe and that we actively ensure the safety of children under our care in every program or activity under the supervision of our church.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Children's ministry questionnaire. Reviewing your Children's ministry.
For 9 years our church in Wantirna filled out a NCD (Natural Church Development) survey, compared results, reflected and then acted on what we found. Overall, I believe it was very helpful and that a good survey (which NCD is) can be a great tool if it is used well.
From that experience (and from creating and answering some unhelpful surveys!) I've compiled a questionnaire to evaluate children's ministry in the church.
It focuses on the seven areas of: leadership, spirituality, care and safety, organisation, worship, serving and outreach.
It's not as sophisticated as NCD but I believe that with follow up discussion and action it will help churches focus on areas to improve and advance the cause of children's ministry in the church and kingdom.
If you want to use it, please contact me to discuss how best to administrate it.